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Policy Wars!

Preparing to start school, we had a day of refreshing on policy. The nature of modern Britain, led by New Labour’s decade of legislative diarrhoea - an apt metaphor for both quantity and quality - is such that you literally cannot comply with every law and policy that exists. Even if you just violate policy, that typically means your head on the chopping block if something goes wrong.

Example:

Child Protection Policy: Never be behind a closed door alone with a child. Leave the door open.

Fire Safety Policy: All doors must auto-close. Never wedge a door open.

Now, you can get around the two above by installing full- or half-glass doors. However, since the school is a listed historic building, we would then be in violation of planning law by changing historic original features.

So it’s a lovely log-jam of competing regulations. Which would you choose to violate, in order to simply do your day’s work?

Out of pure vengence, I would install a full steel door with no windows and lock it shut with a classroom full of infants. I could then safely get on with a full day’s work without any interruptions from other policies.

I’m thinking that only works if you and the infants are on opposite sides of the door

Always leave the room with the majority.

You could have a door held open by a magnet under current from the security system in the school … in case of fire, the magnet lets the door go.

The only workable option we have left is revolution.